Shit makes food taste good
Newslose.com has conducted an independent research into natural food colorants.
As we all know food made in factories and for supermarkets, the kind that can be eaten even several weeks after it is made, sometimes even months and years, would be quite horrible if it was not improved by natural colors and tastes. The scientific wonder of these natural additives has been crucial in our civilization, it allows manufacturers to produce cheap food and allows us to consume the same food with great tastes - something that was available only to emperors thousand years ago.
Part of our research included an interview with the Director of Flavor Research and Manipulations Dept. in an undisclosed food company: “We discovered that shit makes a good impression on chocolate and now we use it constantly. We can do it because what law requires is that the additive is harmless and natural and shit is exactly this. Small quantities are harmless and are just enough to give that extra flavor. Cow shit is best, especially if cows are eating fresh spring grass while they listen to Mozart at the altitude of more than 1500m in Swiss or Italian Alps. Our chocolate that contains this shit is most expensive. Lowest quality shit comes from American stock brokers, they eat bad food and human shit in general is not very tasty and comes in little quantities (compared to cows, elephants and camels).”
Director also explained that shit has many other uses appart from chocolate: “Of course! We use it to color bread, icecream, medicines, chewing gum. More or less anything that needs to be dark brown can benefit from some shit in it. For red we use grinded insects and for green we use any endangered species that look green when ran through a slicer.”
Most interesting discovery was the processing of wine. Many people pride themselves in knowledge and enjoyment of wine and they believe that it is a traditional product that has not suffered any changes through centuries. In fact wine is now made out of piss that runs through rusted plumbing pipes and than is processed with additives. No real wine was made since World War 2 and most wineyards are actually made of plastic.
Don’t tell this to anyone.
