Reuters becomes honest & world becomes better
Last week, after a long period of research by their Labs Dept., our colleagues at Reuters has decided to initiate a new policy in news distribution. They have decided to report the truth.
In the first few days of truth the audience was totally confused because the news made no sense and was not related to anything and was totally out of place. Most of the public immediatelly expressed first disorientation, extreme anger and finally complete clinical depression. However the sales of Reuters syndications increased ten fold.
Effects of real and honest information distributed through mass media have been so dire in some communities that hundreds of people have decided to move to Antartica.
Other effects include:
- 3.7 million people have immediately decided not to eat any more food sold in supermarkets
- 645 million people that decided not to drink tap water anymore
- half of population of Africa decided not to use money
- 75% of armed conflicts wars stopped immediatelly
- 98% of world population has started to feel happy about themselves
- 37 countries have decided to cancell their borders and allow free movement
- China, USA, France, Montenegro and Botswana have became one country called CHUFMOB
- Everybody who smoked stopped to smoke
- Degenerative disease mortality dropped by 87%
However Reuters have decided, after seeing that after one week profits started to fall, to return to the bullshit version of media reporting so most of the effects will be gone and the world will return to normal in about 5 days.
