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Amaury Sport Organization (ASO), owner and organizer of Tour de France, has discovered an excellent formula for creation of interesting and unpredictable sporting events.

“For decades Tour de France has been quite predictable and we discovered that this was boring for the potential new spectators. There were always these guys like Merckx, Indurain and Armstrong that kept winning forever. It was bad for betting and for viewing. This year we decided to pull out our ace in the sleave and get rid of all the favorites and start fresh.” says director of ASO. “If this experiment proves to be profitable we will apply it on our other events like Le Dakar and L’Open de France.”

ASO had to call on World Anti Doping Agency (WADA) to succesfully complete the shocking last minute exclusion of favorites.

“WADA is great when it comes to such projects” says WADA director “we have the power to make such sudden changes without causing much turmoil. People dont bother anymore to question our decisions so its easy. I know ASO was first thinking about killing Basso and Ullrich in a car accident but they thought they might need them later on. We made it simple and clean. And you know all these cyclists are doped anyway so its no big trouble to manipulate them. It is always good to have us as an ally.”

Yesterday’s 16th stage of Tour de France was the best example of well designed sports - there were numerous attacks and changes and none of the experts were able to even come close to predictions of who will be where on the general classification.

It was sports at its best.

“Imagine the Football World Cup if the night before we excluded Brazil, France and Italy” condludes director of ASO “How much fun it would be?”

Greek Olympic Commeety has announced yesterday that it has finally finalized the preparations for 2004 Olympic Games only to realize that they were 2 years late.

They have moved 100.000 ugly and ungreek people away from Athens into the underground caves and have finished painting the park benches as part of the beutification of the Athens for the Olympic games.

“It was important for us that when people visit Athens they do not see any ugly or ethnically confusing individuals. All of this was part of making our guests feel more safe and relaxed during the Games.” announced the director of Greek Olympic Commeety.

Unfortunatelly during the press conference on which they announced a newsreporter summed the courage to tell them that Athens Olympic Games have been finished 2 years ago. Initial reaction was that the reporter is a traitor but when the adrenalin washed out of the heads they realized he was right.

However they decided to still keep the ugly people under the ground since it does improve the city.

During the World Football Championship finals in Berlin, between France and Italy, French Zinedine Zidane headbutted Italian Marco Materazzi and ended his last game of his career with a controversial scandal. Worldwide media has been speculating and judging Zidane’s action. Most interest was generated by the conversation that provoked such action.

Newslose has assembled a team consiting of 7 lip readers (one from each continent), 13 video specialist, 1 web designer, 4 software developers (donated kindly by IBM) and 3243 volunteers in 35 countries to bring you an exclusive of what was really said between Marco and Zidane. Our team has built an independent stand alone server based application virus that collected the visual information from the related football resources.  Following is the result of our research:

Zidane: Hi Marco.

Marco: Whats up?

Zidane: I am sooo bored.

Marco: Why, what is wrong?

Zidane: I don’t know, I feel like it is too hot today.

Marco: Did you watch that movie, I forgot the name, the one with… I can’t remember the name…

Zidane: If you can not tell me any names than I can not know what you mean. What is it about?

Marco: It is about a submarine and it is being hunted by animals, you know those animals, I forgot the name, that swim in the ocean but are not fish… what is it called?

Zidane: Only submarine movie I saw is Hunt for red october.

Marco: YES! Thats it!

This is the moment when Zidane turned around and headbutted Marco.

Zidane has created a huge media followup and hopes to capitalize on it through merchandising and movie career. Universal studios already offered a contract for a superhero role and Zidane’s lawyers are trying to register the specific head butt in chest under a US patent.

You can watch Zidane and Marco continue the meaningless conversation tonight on ESPN Sportalk.